FREE ESSAY ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I have read a lot of statistics and personal testimonies about Domestic Violence
situations. Most
of us know the patterns. Most of us are familiar with the statistics. Oftentimes
statistics are only
numbers unless you or someone you know have become one and have lived that hell
personally.
Many of us have, including myself. While we can, and should, do our part as individuals,
and as
groups, to lobby for protection, for support, and for awareness, we also need to realize
that, as
difficult as it may seem, each of us has been given free will. While it may seem the most
difficult
thing to accept that we maintain some control of our destiny in most cases- especially
after years
of being told otherwise- it is ultimately the most empowering realization. I know it was
for me. As
a victim of the most extreme forms of physical and verbal domestic abuse for six years-
having
been beaten bloody on a regular basis; having been raped and inhumanly tortured almost
daily- I
came to a point where I knew that while I had support from friends and family, it was
ultimately
me alone who would make the final decision to walk away from something that wasn't right
and
could no longer continue. That was probably the most difficult thing for me to do in my
whole
life. I always believed that marriage is something you do not take lightly. I took the
words ...till
death do us part literally up to that point. My children- whom I loved and cherished more
than
anything in the world- were the product of this marriage. Up until I made this difficult
decision, I
thought it was my duty to God, and to my family to continue things as they were. Until I
realized
that ..till death do us part took on a whole new meaning. If I had stayed this man would
have
killed me. Each beating escalated to the point that I was convinced this man will end my
life at
some point had I stayed. Imagine how I felt the day I decided that I needed to walk away
for my
own safety and for the safety of my children. I didn't sneak out of the house. I waited
for the
father of my children to come home. I looked him in the face and told him I was leaving,
and with
escorts, I did so with my children and ran for three years in fear. Today, I have
attained the
financial stability to provide for my family after a long and hard road, and that far
exceeds the
money my ex husband did not allow me to have in our marriage. Today, I am in a
wonderful,
healthy relationship that made me realize that I wasn't the problem all along as my ex
husband told
me every time I was beaten bloody for offenses that were only unacceptable to him. I
cannot
promise you financial success after you leave a marriage, nor will I tell you that
leaving a marriage
or a relationship is the right thing to do in a particular case. But I will tell you that
the cycle of
violence can end with you and with those whom you allow to help you should you find
yourself
trapped in an abusive relationship. From the time I said I do, I fell under the umbrella
of
statistics that show that a woman is battered every 15 seconds in this country. In the
time it took
you to read this, 6 women were battered in one form or another by an intimate. What
happens
behind closed doors doesn't make this issue none of anyone's business, because behind
those
closed doors could be your sister, your mother, your daughter, your friend...even you...
This is
how I envision a stop in the cycle. I envision a candle that lights the way for others. I
have a
candle and perhaps others do as well. And that is a start, but imagine what happens when
the
flames of two or more candles join. Those flames shine with greater brightness and
strength, yet
suffer none in their individuality. So, I have a flame and perhaps you, or someone you
know has a
flame. What do you want to do with them? They could mean the difference between life and
death
to those who cannot yet make their voices heard. 
Bibliography Lesar, Jenny. Statistics. Woodbridge, Conneticut: Blackbirch Press Inc, 1996
Kesegich, Ken. "In Defense of Children." Cwru February, 1990: 33-35 Steinbach, Alice.
"Neglect: the most prevalent form of child maltreatment." Honolulu Star-Bulletic &
Advertiser 30 July 1989: A-29 Dolan, Edward F. Big book of abuse. Anywhere, USA, Anybody
Inc: 1312 Towle, Jeffery. Email Interview. 25 October 1996. Kimball, Lisa. Email
Interview. 30 October 1996.