FREE ESSAY ON BRITNEY SPEARS REVIEW

BRITNEY SPEARS REVIEW

Dear Britney, Omigod, omigod,
omigod. Oh. My. God. Got your new album.
Love it! Seriously, it just rawwwwwks, you
know? After your first one, I was like, no way
she can top this. Ever, ever, ever. No way.
WELL, WAY! "Oops . . . I Did It Again" is sooo
amazing. Where do I begin? I love how the album is
basically the same beat, the whole way through. You could
Tae Bo to this thing and never miss a punch. On most
albums, the beats are all mixed up - slow song, fast song,
mid-tempo song. It's confusing! With "Oops" it's like your
drum machine got stuck or something, but in a cool way.
And the album sounds a lot like your first one, "Baby One
More Time," so there's nothing tricky to learn. 
And you look faboo
on the cover. You were so
right to drop that whole
Catholic-school slut thing
you had working on your
debut. Don't get me
wrong, it was really cool and sooo many kids totally ripped
it off and everything. I bet you scandalized a lot of nuns.
You go, girl!
SPINNING AND DANCING
But this new look is excellent. Are those leopard-skin
pants you're wearing in the promo shot? And how about
that slinky suede vest with the brass buckles. Want one! 
Even better is that latex red jumpsuit from your new
video, the one where you, like, spin through space and
dance around and flirt with an astronaut. I love how they
play it all the time on MTV. It's like, I WANT MY
BRITNEY TV!
Even your album title is cool. And gutsy. I mean, there
are going to be sooo many smarty-pants out there saying
stuff like, "Yeah, she did it again. She put out another stinky
album!" Or people will call it "Britney's Second Boo Boo,"
or some other dumb joke. Ignore them. You're an artist!
This album is totally going to debut at No. 1 this week,
knocking that 'N Sync's "No Strings Attached" right off its
perch.
And it'll do that because of the music. People forget
that about you. Oh, they say, she's a ditz. She's a
Mouseketeer. She lip-syncs in concert. She stole her moves
from Janet Jackson. Even her breasts are fake. (As if!)
BETTER THAN ABBA 
Well, wait till they get a load of "Oops." The title track,
and first single, is great. The chorus sounds exactly like
Abba doing an aerobics video. Hey, they can't sue you,
right? I mean Abba is from like Sweden or something, so
they probably don't even have lawyers in this country. And
they're old, those guys, so they probably won't even hear
this song.
Even if they sue, big whup. Your're way better than
Abba. Your voice is all moaning and stuff, and the music
sounds like it came right out of a machine. (Are there any
live musicians on this album? Message me.) Lyrics-wise,
some guy thinks you're more than friends and you're like
NOT! "It might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that
I'm serious," you sing. And you make it rhyme. You rhyme
"crush" and "serious." Not many singers can do that! 
And you cover the
Rolling Stones' "(I Can't
Get No) Satisfaction."
That took nerve. Friends
must have been, like, "Oh
Britney, maybe you should
stay away from one of the
greatest songs in rock
history. People will laugh at you." You're like, Whatever!
And your version is way better than the Stones' because
you can dance to it, you know? And it doesn't have that
annoying guitar riff that just keeps repeating, over and over.
Instead, the beat is kind of like Michael Jackson's "Billie
Jean."
Things get even better with "Don't Let Me Be the Last
to Know," which was co-written by Shania Twain. The
country queen of bare midriff helps the teen queen of bare
midriff - can you say "genius"? And the song is totally
different from everything else on the record, because ...
because ...
'LUCKY' 
Omigod, there's so much more. On "Lucky" you sing
about a miserable child star who's beloved by everyone,
but bawls her eyes out, wondering "If there's nothing
missing in my life/ Then why do these tears come at night?"
Is it about you? Who knows? The key is that people will
ask!
The whole album is so ... edgy. Because you're 18
years old now, and singing lines like "I'm not that innocent,"
and wearing all those skintight bustiers and stuff. And then
you're quoted in magazines saying how icky it is that men
fantasize about you, how that sort of freaks you out and
everything. It's perfect. You come on all half-naked and
barely legal, and the next moment you're like, "Perverts!"
The virgin-hussy thing. It's awesome and nobody does
it like you. Run with it. Don't change it. And when you
record album number three, just do it again.